A Reflection on Mother Teresa

I read an article that talks about the secret letters written by Mother Teresa, which had been made public more than 2 years ago. From the letters, it revealed that Mother Teresa has experienced the absence of God since 1949 till she died in 1997. At first I think, "what would be the worth of learning from a so called spiritual icon who had no connection with God but continued to minister in the name of Jesus?" Isn't she a hypocrite? As a second thought, I say to myself, Mother Teresa is still a spiritual icon whom I admire.

I'm not going to enter into the debate of whether Mother Teresa will go to heaven or not. I'm really not in the position to judge and comment. And whether she will go to heaven, in fact, has nothing to do with me really. What I would like to ponder is the spiritual darkness that she had experienced.

I believe we all experienced spiritual darkness at some point in our spiritual life - unanswered prayers, disappointments in God, doubts in God's love. It's unrealistic to experience God 24/7, given the fact that Job in the bible had also experienced God's absence and the bible tells us that he had remained silent for 400 years during Old Testament time.

Spiritual darkness is the most difficult emotion to endure. The greater the love and longing you have in God, the greater the suffering and pain. It is an experience of extreme loneliness and emptiness. Just like the moment that Jesus died on the cross, his suffering is so servere that He cried out to God, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?". The feeling of being forsaken by the one you truly believed he/she loves you is like feeling being betrayed. A normal response would be to stop loving that person, as you don't want to be hurt and feel the pain.

Mother Teresa had experienced spiritual darkness for almost 50 years. She had continuously remained her desire in longing for God and chosen to experience the pain from stop feeling God's presence. She was truthful to her feeling and continuously asked others to pray for her spiritual darkness - the battle between her conviction in God's love and the failure to experience God's presence. Although she suffers for spiritual darkness, she never gives up the ministry to touch the hearts of the poor and the abandoned. Apparently she did not not do it for her own glory as she believed her achievements without the presence of God is in vain.

I can hardly imagine how can a human in blood and flesh so determined to minister and love for the One you doubt His existence. I pray that if one day, I experience spiritual darkness with great pain, I will have a strong faith like Mother Teresa and able to say "I have come to love the darkness" and continue to do what God has entrusted me to accomplish.